Has my husband joined a cult?

My husband and I have been together since 2006. In November last year, he told me to leave the home claiming God had told him that I had done something bad and sending me away was the punishment. Issue is he has forbidden me from cooking for him, touching his clothes, polishing his shoes or touching his money claiming I am unholy. He has put Rosaries on all doors in the house and locked the master bedroom. He even locked me out of the house one time but police intervened.  I am worried. Could he have joined a cult?

Sheila

Dear Sheila,

I am sorry to learn that you are going through a very difficult moment in your marriage. Sharing information that is so touching is important as this is one step towards finding help. It is difficult to ascertain that at one time your closest person will change and when it happens, it comes with a lot of emotional pain.

 I would like to draw your attention to the following question; when did you start seeing these changes? Extreme change of behaviour is often a red flag. It is not unthinkable to imagine that he may have joined a religion presumed to be a cult. You can do some research about this to ascertain if this could be true so that you approach the right channels for appropriate support.

 The strong belief that God has told him that you have done something wrong could also be delusional, which means he is disconnected from reality. The display of rosaries, refusing to eat your food or not allowing you to touch his clothes is one of the signs that something is not right when it comes to his mental health.

 It is possible that this state of mental disruption has been triggered by either an external or internal force, which you may not know. A person might have an underlying mental health issue which might not take course until one goes through a difficult time.

 It is good that the police intervened to support you at one time. Your safety and that of the children, if any, is very important. Your husband might not listen to your suggestion of him seeing a health worker, specifically a mental health worker to assess his condition.

Therefore, you might need external support from close relatives to convince him of the need to get treatment.

In case you fail to find support from close relatives, then you might need to go to law enforcers, specifically the family unit of the Uganda Police Force for assistance.

Reader advice

Calling police was wrong

Moses Earthe. You made a mistake involving the police in family matters. Now where is the police? You should have involved family members. If you had called a family meeting or clan members, then they would have helped. But now you have to call the police and tell them “my husband does not sleep with me, nor eat what I cook.” Woman you have spoiled your marriage by involving the police.

Go to his church

Moses Tsek. Try asking him if you can join his faith, then you will find out the truth about whether it is a cult. After that step, you will involve the family. I am wondering why you do not attend the same church. Do your best by following him and if it is a cult, then you have a chance to convince him to leave that church.

Leave him

Susan Nabyonga. When most men get tired of the relationship, they use excuses to get rid of you. It is best for you to leave before he turns violent in his attempts to get rid of you. Your life is more important.

Run for dear life

Phionah Kayongo. He is just scaring you. But if you can, run for dear life. You may stay and he does something you violent.

This is just an excuse

Mouris Opolot. That God has told me syndrome is just an excuse and he knows that he or any other person cannot provide evidence to that effect. Again, you do not have the right to ask for evidence either, because God is a Spirit. Just apply common sense and you might find that the man has got another juicy deal or he just wants you out. The same advice would apply if it was a man reporting a divorce threat by her citing “God told me syndrome”.

See a psychiatrist

Emmanuel Mpamizo. It seems your husband has developed a mental problem. He needs to see a psychiatrist as soon as possible.

God hates divorce

Alex G Mugisha. Those rosaries at every door mean God had spoken to him but not the God you are thinking of. The true God would never speak of divorce. As a Christian, you should know this. Get help from family of professional counsellors and if this fails, leave the marriage.

Talk to each other

Barbara Namwebya. Kindly take time to honestly pray and fast about it, I trust the Lord will let you know the truth. Why not also try and talk to your husband. He might be acting out just because of something that you can both solve easily.

Why are you still there?

Ivan Katushabe. Sometimes I wonder why a woman would accept to be put through all this torture and embarrasment. He has shown you that he does not want to be with you. Why are you still in that house?

Run, do not look back

Judith Rubarema. He has joined a cult. Run for your dear life.

Evelyn Khorono Lufafa is a counselling psychologist with Sermotherapy Counselling Foundation psychologist