He broke the promise and left

Readers' Answers
Focus on children
Thanks for taking time to share your story. What you are going through must be painful, but you have to be strong for yourself and children. What you are going through is probably what his first wife had to go through when you showed up in their lives. Many times, when people are in love, they get blinded by even what seems to be obvious. If a man has the guts to leave his wife with whom he has six children, then it will be easy for him to do it again. We can't change the past, but you can shape the future. Have you tried finding out why exactly he has left you? Taking the case to Fida may open up more than you may want to deal with. Talk it over with him so as to come to an understanding on how to take care of the children. At the end of the day, your differences as spouses do not nullify your responsibilities as parents. It is important that you maintain respect for their father in their eyes because he will always be their father inspite of your relationship status. Assure them of his love for them so as to build their self esteem.

You need to face the fact you might have to carry on the role of both mother and father. Whatever has happened between you and him, keep the children out of it. Your breaking down has negative effects on the holistic development of your children, brace yourself and deal with the situation as it is. It is possible to find another man who will love you for who you are and your children, but it would be wise if you kept off married men. Like they say, we reap what we sow. I wish you all the best and whatever you choose to do, do it in the best interest of the children.

Noeline Kirabo Mulongo

Take your time
You should have known that this man's reason for staying with you was not that he loved you, but because of his wife's weight. In most cases, when a woman gives birth, she tends to become fat, now that you have two children, he might have seen that you have also grown fat and maybe he went for some a slimmer woman. Since you already have two children with him, talk to some of his close friends about taking care of his children. This man is married and he may not come back to you. All you need to do is believe in yourself, take care of your children and forget all about this man. You will surely get the right man who will love you and your children, but do not rush into another relationship. Please take your time.
Sheila

Don't lose hope
It is good that you can cater for your children and all the necessities. We have seen many single mothers strugling with more children than yours. I think leaving his first wife because she was fat is not a convincing reason; the body changes. Could it be that you have also grown fat and that's why he dumped you? What if he produces fat children, will he reject them? Christine, if you are working, please don't give up on your job until you get a better one. If you don't have one, try your best and get it. At 28 years, you are still young and you can get the right man. One thing I know is that he will come back one day looking for his children. If God has given you provisions, please stand your ground. If others have, why not you?
B.M. Jacinta, Luzira

You invited trouble
It is absurd to note that at your age, you rushed in for a married man with six children despite the fact that he was caring. I don’t think his wife being too fat for him to handle was the only reason for him to marry you too, probably he was looking for a side dish. Ask yourself; why is it that he had six children with that very fat woman of his? You say, "He even went to our home to introduce himself," does it mean he introduced himself with or without your consent? It is you to blame, since from the start, you knew very well he was a married man. Don’t let your children suffer because of your decisions. Let that man take his responsibility and look after them. If not, settle and plan for your children until you get Mr. Right.
Richard Khisa,

Go to Fida
You just go to Fida because it's just his habit of leaving women with problems. Being a police man doesn't mean he is above the law. You will be reporting your husband, not a policeman.
JK Emmah

Avoid married men
You made the grave mistake of getting involved with a married man, but what is done is done. I urge you to work hard for the welbeing of your children. Seeking retribution with the help of Fida will only make things worse. So persevere, maybe he will come back to his senses and when your children insist about their father, then tell them the truth.
Junjju Paui, MUK

He lied to you
Many women like you have fallen for men like him. But first and foremost, you made a mistake to interfere with someone else’s marriage. Why would you buy the lie of a married man telling you that his wife was fat for him to handle. Do you have an insurance against getting fat yourself? However, I think your friends’ advice of going to Fida is the best option. You don’t have to live in fear of a police officer, however senior he is in the force. Fida will ensure that the law protects you and he will never lift a finger against you because he knows he will be locked up. In any case, if he does threaten you, ensure that the Fida lawyers are abreast with everything that transpires between him and you. You can also talk to Assan Kasingye who is in charge of the community liaison in the Uganda Police.
He could ensure that you get justice. Meanwhile, next time watch out before you interfere in other people’s marriages.
Makete, Mukono

You are to blame
I am sorry but I find it hard to feel sorry for women like you. You went out with a married man when you knew all about him and his family. Please try to avoid drama, like going to his home and attacking “the fat” woman he promised to leave for you. Put aside your personal issues and do it for your children who obviously need him as a father and as a provider
Hanah, Ntinda

Next week
I am anxious to meet him
It is now three weeks since I got to know a half Arab-Indian man through the newspapers. We have never met, but the way he describes himself to me, it seems like he's a photocopy of Van Vicker, the Ghanaian actor. In my life, I have never doubted myself, especially my beauty. I have a great figure though my height is average. The problem is that he wants to meet me, but I am scared. I am not sure whether this man will like me, as he claims, when we are talking on phone.

He says he loves me so much, he likes my voice and that according to the way I described myself to him, he wants us to be together. I think I am in love with him and I am willing to do anything for this to work out, but I am still scared. Should I go on with this or I should leave before he meets me and breaks my heart. I don't think I can go through it in case he rejects me. I am so confused and don't know what to do. Please advise me.

Liz

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