I can't maintain a relationship

I have tried to figure out if the problem is with me or the men because I have always respected them. In return, all I get from them is disappointment including those who present themselves as Mr Right. I have also prayed, but it seems not to work yet I feel I need to have a family of my own.
Sometimes I attribute it to my family; I come from a polygamous family so this sometimes makes me feel that my step mother did something to stop me from succeeding in relationships and career.
I have not told my mother about my concern, but she is suggesting that she takes me to a female traditional herbalist whom she was told will help me get a man for marriage. I don’t think it is the right decision because something tells me it will not work out.
How can I find a reliable and respectful man to settle down with? Please help me.

Mercy Uwera

Readers' Answers
Have faith in God
To be honest with you, at 28, you are still young. God has a plan for every one so, please keep on praying; your time to get a good husband is coming.
And on top of that I would advise you not to think that your step mother did some thing wrong to you.
Melisa Kirabo Kintu,
Kampala

Don't blame her
It is good you know that going to a traditional herbalist is not a solution to your problems. You need to think positively, forget about being bewitched by your step mother as this will only build a strong belief in you that someone is out there trying to pull you down, which takes away your self-esteem because whenever you start a relationship, you have it in mind that it will fail.
When you meet someone, don't immediately talk about marriage as it may be interpreted as desperation. Also, don't reveal to your new partner your problems as this tends to scare many men off, best of luck in future.
Haji Yassin Bakaluba

Have a positive attitude
There are three dimensions to being a human being; physical, mental and spiritual and all of them interact to great effect. Because the physical one is the most easy to discern, it is the one we as humans focus on most and ignore the other dimensions. Everything starts in the mind (mental). This then causes a harnessing of energies (spiritual) and manifestation (physical). Frustration is borne of these dimensions not being in tune and us being all too aware of time (patience is still a virtue).

You say you are positive, but your mind is set on worries, so the energies that you are harnessing as a result of this are manifesting in your reality. Be happy, enjoy being you and that energy signature will register. You don’t have to look for a man, they will just happen. Go back to the place where you started from, only this time don’t pray, talk to God as you would to a person next to you. Tell Him everything; your fears, hopes, your worries and the people who matter to you.

Also, open up to Him as you are. On the surface, it is going to be the silliest thing you have done yet. When you are done, go about the business of enjoying being you, the rest is not upto you. Attraction is just the physical thing.
Samuel Brehhm,
Mawokota

Patience pays
Mercy, sorry for what you are going through. If you are a true believer, I don’t think going to a traditional herbalist will help you in any way. Just ask yourself what traditional herbs have to do with enabling you get a man to marry you.
I also don’t think you are less educated because there are even primary seven drop outs who get married to loving, caring and wealth and educated men.
My only advice to you is to keep up to your character, stay disciplined and hardworking and the right man will come your way.
I believe you can still get a man at your age. There are women who clock 35 years, but are still single. Just ignore the notion that your step mother did something to you.
Also, you don’t have to rush into any relationship because you may regret having an affair with someone you were not meant to be with. Just enjoy your single life and status as it lasts. Remember, patience pays.
Solome,
Makindye

Reserve your problems
It is too bad that you have to keep on falling out of one relationship to another, but I am thinking that you should not blame your step mother for this because I do not think that witchcraft works.
Maybe the problem is with the men you choose. As women, we tend to have these funny ideas of the kind of men we want andyet in actual sense, they are not the type that suits us.
If you are as good looking as you say, I am sure that so many men approach you, but because you have this picture of the kind of man you want painted in your mind, you just shun them.
Secondly, I think that whenever you get into a relationship, you tend to throw your financial situation into the man’s face, which is proved by the fact that this is in the first part of your letter.
Trust me there is no man who wants to carry your financial burden. So, maybe you should try looking at these two issues and where you find any, just get rid of it immediately.
Dinah,
Kawempe

Don't give up
I think that you are being too hard on yourself. Everything has its time. God has a way of designing things, for instance, people settle down in different intervals. Stop blaming your family for the demise you are facing. Life has its ups and downs and you have to stick with it and not to give up. At 28 years, I understand how you are feeling, but there is nothing to worry about. Being a Christian, I believe in the power of prayer and fasting. The challenge you have is to pray with a sincere heart and mind. Remember, beauty is nothing without God because He is suprem.
If you have a job, I would rather you upgrade and attain your degree. Besides, looking nice, men want to associate themselves with learned women. Be patient, Mr Right will eventually come your way.
Sarah

Don't be picky
Some girls fail to meet Mr Right and yet they are ready to commit but the only thing you can do is wait. I think that you may be a good person, but with so many things that you want your future partner to have. Your list will all together make a perfect man but such a person does not exist.
So, don’t judge the men you meet according to this list. If one meets more than 50 per cent of your requirements, date them and try to learn how to deal with the things you do not want and if you can then you can get married to them. Even though you have described yourself as one with good traits I am certain that you too have faults because no human being is perfect.
Belinda

NEXT WEEK

Has he lost interest in me?
I have been with my boyfriend for three years, but for the past last month, he has shown negligence and carelessness in the relationship.
When I tell him I have a problem, he doesn`t respond to me, but instead assumes he didn`t hear it. He in most cases calls me only to ask me when we should make love. Sometimes, we plan to meet and he says he is busy. Should I leave him?
Anonymous

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