Our advice to newly married couples

Gilbert and Dr Elizabeth Kiracho have been married for 23 years. Elizabeth advises couples to put God first in whatever they do adding that pleasing God will bring the right values that will give couples a strong marriage. “Demonstrate your love for your spouse in tangible ways, learn what your spouse likes and do that,” she says and explains that the five love languages can help in giving some guidance. 

"People feel loved in different ways, quality time, gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service and physical touch,” she reveals. Elizabeth says sex is important for men, so wives should not deny their husbands conjugal rights. 

“On the other hand, women tend to prefer actions that show you love them,” she notes. She urges couples to work hard so that a steady income is acquired. 

“Lack of adequate finances puts a lot of strain on marriages,” Elizabeth explains. She adds that it is important to know that hurting each other is inevitable. “Be ready to forgive and to bury the past,” she notes. 

Gilbert says that a spouse should be one’s best friend. “Your spouse should be the first to know anything concerning you,” he explains. He says communication is essential in every marriage. “Please make sure you communicate with your spouse your thoughts and feelings, do not give your spouse the silent treatment,” he urges adding that you ought to share the plans for everything including acquiring property. 

“Do not plan alone since you are two now, if possible have the property acquired registered in both your names as a couple,” he explains.

 Daniel and Patricia Rutiba

Daniel and Patricia have been married for 23 years. Daniel says respect is an important trait that a man treasures. “A wife should treat a husband in such a way that he does not feel demeaned or undermined. Many people can talk about submission, but men do not necessarily want their idea to prevail at all costs,” he says.

He explains that men are open to an exchange of ideas but they value very highly a spouse that respects them and will not embarrass them in the open or rebuke them publicly. 

“A man who is respected by his wife will find it easy to love, provide for and protect his wife, it is extremely important that a wife has the emotional intelligence to give the husband the respect he needs,” Daniel explains. 

Patricia’s husband says when a man is wrong he will easily listen to his wife if she respectfully offers an alternative. 

"It calls for a lot of patience because the wife may be able to think faster than her husband in a given situation but it is very important that they move together in order to have a stable marriage,” he explains. 

Daniel explains that marriage is all about building blocks through proper habits such as planning. “It is important that a husband and wife move in the same direction consciously, or else there will be conflict in the marriage and little or no progress financially,” he notes. Patricia says a wife who is truly loved feels secure and finds it easier to respect and submit to her husband. “The home should be a haven of love, understanding and peace so that each day the family members look forward to returning home as soon as possible,” she adds. 

She explains that love is a choice, not about feelings. So, each day a spouse chooses to love their spouse, be kind, affectionate and generous to them and other family members. “At work, people are so polite to each other, but they may get home and treat family members differently then be surprised when they react negatively. What you give is what you get, Patricia explains. Patricia says that submission does not mean prostrating in front of someone, it means respecting your spouse and respecting the office that God has established in a home to maintain order and peace. 

Eunice and Brand

Adubango Brand and Eunice Adubango have been married for 18 years. Brand says it is important to talk freely to each other and to allow each other to be expressive. “This creates the adjustment and better knowledge of each other, connection, planning and agreement on many things,” he adds. He notes that it is essential to keep surrendering to God, maintaining and building the marriage around him. 

“God’s plan is good and perfect, ” he notes. Eunice explains that understanding each other’s differences gives the marriage its beauty and uniqueness. 

“Steer clear of trying to make your partner like you; it only breeds pain and discomfort,” she says. She urges couples to look keenly at communication, sex, and money and to get better at these daily. "Hey are akin to the biblical faith, hope and love; they are the lifeblood of marriage,” she reveals. 

Simon and Gloria Mugisha 

The couple have been married for two and a half years. They tied the knot during the Covid-19 pandemic in December 2021.

“Marriage is ordained by God and when we allow him to take the centre stage he surely steers you through all the waves and hiccups that keep your hearts warm,” Gloria says. She adds that prayer should not be an option but a must.

“A couple that prays together stays together,” she explains. Simon advises newly married couples to keep communicating with each other. "When a couple communicates with each other, the strings that tie their relationship together remain concrete when it seems like a tough talk. It is good to iron out those things that each partner feels affects them and the respective partners will appreciate and get to work on that,” he notes. 

He explains that appreciation is another part of the relationship that plays a huge role in keeping it closed in. 

“Thanking your spouse makes him or her feel appreciated and always looking forward to doing the best they can for you,” he notes. 

Angelina and Dickens Murorwa 

The Murorwas have been married for six years.They attribute effective communication as one of the pillars of a harmonious and successful marriage.

"In our early days of marriage, we often exchanged information but found that misunderstandings frequently arose, "Dickens says. He realised that effective communication is not only about what was said but also what is understood. "Being clear and specific is crucial, avoiding vague language helps ensure that your message is accurately received and interpreted,” he says. 

Dickens says active listening is essential for meaningful communication. "This involves fully concentrating, understanding, responding and remembering what is being said," he notes. Dickens explains that not listening actively not only hinder effective communication but also makes a spouse feel unheard and undervalued. 

"It is vital to show that you are engaged and that you value your partner's words," he notes. Angelina says when a spouse says something that you do not understand it is better to ask for clarification than make assumptions. 

"Paraphrasing and reflecting on what has been said can be an effective way to ensure you have understood correctly in order to give an appropriate response," she explains. She notes that knowing a couple is a team helps couples approach challenges as a united front. 

"It is not you against your partner but both of you together against any issues that arise maintaining this perspective fosters love and mutual respect," Angelina explains.