In Uganda, the concept of gamba nogu is deeply ingrained in how people navigate life. These “godfathers,” often tied to both political and spiritual realms, can significantly impact an individual’s ability to succeed. It is no secret that many are willing to spend money they do not have to maintain these influential connections, hoping they will provide favour when needed.
This idea of influence is not new; it can be observed in both secular and religious spheres. For instance, even in the case of Jesus Christ, His body may have hung on the cross for longer if not for the intervention of figures such as Nicodemus and Joseph of Arimathea; men whose positions and influence ensured that Christ received the burial He did.
During a recent visit to my gamba nogu’s home, I realised how overreliance on religion can sometimes come at the expense of personal relationships and well-being. I had timed our visit to avoid disrupting their daily routine; however, to our surprise, the person we had come to see was not home. We were informed that she was still at church, even though we had attended the same service, after which I went home and prepared lunch.
What troubled me was not just her extended absence, but the fact that her family, particularly her children and household staff, were still waiting for her to have lunch at 6pm. It was evident that the family's needs were secondary to the demands of the church.
While I deeply respect the discipline and structure that religious practices can provide, I also recognise that when these practices are taken to extremes, they can erode the very relationships they are supposed to nurture.
Consider the example of fasting, a practice embraced by many Christians during times of prayer and spiritual seeking. While fasting is a deeply spiritual discipline, it can have unintended consequences. In some churches, the faithful are required to fast for extended periods, such as 40 days or even longer, often with strict rules that go beyond food, including abstaining from conjugal activities.
On the surface, this may seem like a profound act of devotion, but it can place an immense strain on relationships. The non-fasting partner may feel abandoned or neglected and could be tempted to seek affection or attention elsewhere. What starts as a commitment to spiritual growth can lead to marital breakdowns or even infidelity, as one partner’s spiritual discipline becomes a source of emotional isolation for the other.
Additionally, church activities can sometimes consume so much of a person's time and energy that little room is left for family life. For those who hold multiple offices in the church, constant involvement in ministry work can result in neglecting their children, spouses, or even family businesses.
The children, whose upbringing should be a primary concern, may grow distant, and the family as a unit may experience increasing stress and dysfunction.
Perhaps the most concerning trend I have observed is how the authority of pastors or spiritual leaders can sometimes overshadow the authority of the head of the family. These ‘‘prophets’’ may dictate even the most basic aspects of family life, such as when meals should be eaten, when children should sleep, or how household decisions should be made.
In these dynamics, the head of the household can be rendered powerless. What starts as a noble attempt to strengthen faith can end up stripping the family of its autonomy and creating a culture where the spiritual leader's will dominates the well-being of the family.
The imbalance between spiritual devotion and family priorities is not merely a matter of personal inconvenience but a fundamental issue of values. When properly integrated into family life, religion has the potential to nurture, heal, and bring people together. However, when it becomes disconnected from the realities of family life, it can lead to neglect, alienation, and division.
The key, therefore, is to strike a balance. It is about ensuring that your first commitment is to the well-being, growth, and stability of your loved ones. If a church activity or religious practice begins to undermine these principles, it may be time to reassess priorities.
