Demons to exorcise before they haunt you out of relationships

As we go through life, we are scarred by life’s events and unfortunately, we tend to carry these scars into relationships. So, then relationships become two broken people, trying to make life work at best or trying to fix each other at worst. 

Some people will not wait for healing within, so they will hop from one relationship to another in the hope of finding the perfect person, yet they are the perfect problem.

A deeper look into yourself and what makes or breaks you should be a subject for your learning. So, you can improve yourself and become a better mate, mother, friend, or father. Until we get there, there are demons we have to constantly battle with and here are some of them:   

Self-doubt
This is one of those stubborn demons that if not dealt with squarely, will ruin a good relationship. It can be a stronghold in a person’s life. This demon will make its victim feel less worthy and inferior in some aspects of their life on the inside, even when on the outside, they look okay. In some cases, it is this demon that talks down the single person into feeling they are not likable enough to be loved or they are better off staying single, for fear that they do not measure up to the standards of others.

If the person has experienced setbacks or failures regarding dating, this demon further compound matters by suggesting to them, “no one likes me.” Tell yourself you are the only version there could be because God has no assembly line for humans. He made many, but differently and so are you. 

Comparison
This is a common demon that afflicts us all in differing degrees. To compare yourself with another person, as if you must be and achieve the same as them in the same timeline, is a lie from the pit of hell. This is why we see unnecessary competition between mates or couples, which brings about dissatisfaction in relationships. 

It is a relationship killer and must be exorcised early to deter its effects. “We were okay until Rogers started comparing me to his ex-girlfriend; how she did this and that. I felt inept and unworthy. In retaliation, I also started to compare him to my exes. The relationship went south,” Dinah says. Be content with your life no matter how your hommies are doing. Life is not a competition.      

Unforgiveness
 This is like a cancer that eats away its victim one day at a time, little by little. “Look what he did to me!” how could she do that to me!?” are some of its favourite pity-party questions. It wounds its possessor mercilessly and confines them to a prison that even Michael Scofield cannot break through. 

It often lodges with its cousins; resentment, hate, and jealousy. Learn to let go of offenses. Robin did just that: “I was carrying fire in my lap and hoping it would not burn me. I hated my father so much for abandoning us when we were young. But after being taught in church about the value of forgiving others, and learning that it was for my own good and emotional well-being, I forgave my old man. And we have a wonderful father-daughter relationship.”          

Wrong expectations
You do not expect your partner to cheat on you, right? That is basic. But let us talk about wrong expectations. You get into a relationship expecting X but end up getting Y and that becomes an issue. Why not talk about your expectations before you jump into making a long-term commitment to this person? How about you take time to know the person better than regretting later? 

“I grew up in a family of many children. We are 28 from eight mothers. My father was a Moslem. When I got older and started to relate, I was always looking for that man who would love me a certain way. I got in and out of relationships. Looking back, they were good men and I wish I had stayed on,” says Hajara.        

Past experiences
Some people have been violated in the past and they carry emotional brokenness and woundedness into their intimate relationships. They become burdens to their partners. And this must be nipped in the bud before it holds you back from enjoying a good and fulfilling relationship or it will wreck the one you have right now. 
 “I was repeatedly raped by our shamba boy when I was young. I fear and hate to relate with men.” Juliet and others like her need to confront this demon.      

Disrespect
No one likes to relate with a disrespectful person. Some people get so comfortable in relationships that they turn out to be disrespectful to their partners or take them for granted. Sam complains about his girlfriend Betty: “When she starts to answer me back rudely, as if I am her son or brother, I lose it.” It is recommended that even if you are married, you need to occasionally date your spouse to refresh the memory and to value them.

Poverty
This manifests as a lack of financial planning, wasteful expenditure and a lack of a saving culture. Umaru, who was married to Hasfa, says: “No matter how hard I tried to care for the family by providing, she never had the consciousness that resources were limited. It was always eat and finish everything, tomorrow will take care of itself. We argued about money so much to the point that I got tired and left.”