Parenting from zero to 18 years: What to expect at every stage

From birth to two years: cry baby, tantrum prone
Harriet Mwesigye, a mother of five considers this one of the most tiring stages since the children cannot express themselves and are very demanding. In terms of development, children at this stage learn by exploring with their hands and mouth. They bang, throw, drop, shake, and put items in their mouths, so, hiding things will get more difficult because children start to look for hidden objects at two years. Two is also a terrible stage for a parent as the children become really difficult and throw tantrums.

What your child should be doing
Dr Brian Musinguzi of Gulu Regional Referral Hospital, says at this stage your child should start walking, climbing up stairs, attempting to speak, pointing to a named objects, jumping off the floor with both feet, standing on either foot alone, using pronouns and kicking a ball on request or same such games.

Dr Musinguzi recommends that parents be close to their children because this is when they start to understand affection and choose who they feel loves them. He notes that at this stage, children have separation issues, negativism, fearfulness, shyness and withdrawal. Therefore, the children feel the same separtion anxiety as most parents suffer at this stage when they leave their babies behind, usually becoming fussy or withdrawn.

Child nutrition tips
Dr Lorna Namuswa, a nutritionist at CoRSU hospital located on Entebbe Road, says while children need to eat foods in all food values, she says children ages three to five need more proteins, carbohydrates because their bodies are growing at a very high speed. She says, “At that time the brain is developing therefore parents should give them omega-3 fatty acids such as fish and butter, to help them in brain development.”

Emphasise on carbohydrates and proteins also needs to be done when they become teenagers because their bodies are very active and therefore need a lot of energy. Dr Brian Musinguzi of Gulu Regional Referral Hospital recommends protein-rich meals like milk, eggs, soya, and mukene (silver fish).

The Three to five-year-olds :the inquisitive child
Dr Abdallah Yasser, the head of paediatrics and new born services at International Hospital Kampala, says at this stage, the child’s brain is developing, so, if you tell them not to do something, they will ask why because they want to understand everything.

The inquisitive nature, however, makes them destructive and unruly. Diana Nanyonga, a mother of four children recalls her children destroying their toys to see what was inside, fighting a lot and adopting an abusive language. According to the website www.parentfurther.com, parents should take their children’s sentiments seriously and help them make sense of their emotions. It goes on to say, “...some pre-school children can throw wild, long tantrums,” in which cases parents are advised to calm the children and teach them how to deal with their strong emotions.

Nanyonga recalls often beating her first born but says her mother advised against saying it only makes them more rebellious. On her mother’s advice, she developed a simple language that relates with them, corrected their bad habits with love not beating and constantly reminded them that she loved them. “This worked for all my four children,” she said. Since in most cases they have begun school, they begin to name colours, and understand simple counting.

Carol Achiro, a nursery school teacher at Oriel Vain Nursery School, Ntinda, recommends stimulating a child’s intellectual development by reading aloud to them every day. Dr Yasser terms this as the most interesting stage for parents because this is when children are most active and have begun to construct sentences.

Noting that they are very inquisitive at this stage, Dr Yasser says they need to be watched closely because they are more prone to accidents. “This is the best time to instill habits like greeting, saying “sorry”, “thank you” and correcting their wrongs because they are sensitive.” He also recommends being friendly to them while teaching thwem. But in case of naughtiness, he recommends giving a punishments by withdrawing privileges such as not taking them out and not giving them a present.

Six to nine: the selfish child
Dr Yasser this is the best time to start talking to children about morals. “An average child will know about relationships as early as six years so if you don’t open up this early they get the information from television, their peers or the internet.”

Since it might be hard to just start the topic, he advises parents to use the windows provided as an entry point, “When watching a television programme and people kiss, some children may shy away so use this opportunity to explain to the dangers of involving in such acts.”

He also notes that parents should look out for other changes, such as;
Being self-centered, hard on their younger siblings and demanding for attention. Developing a keener interest in the differences between boys and girls. Children at this age normally want to play with friends of the same sex.

10 to 14: troublesome teen
This stage is not only a challenge to parents but also children as they are undergoing physical and behavioural changes. Paeditrician, Dr Abdallah Yasser, says here, the child has developed into fine mortar, puberty has set in and this will result into the following:

An ordour due to hormonal changes therefore teenagers need to start learning personal hygiene and if available, start using deodorant. Refusal to bath, especially among boys. Ruth Matoya, a child counsellor, says this mostly occurs among boys but it is normal and they soon outgrow it. She advises parents to heat their bathing water to entice them. Mood swings, say a sudden change from being happy to sad or from feeling smart to dumb. They think they are adults but they don’t have the experience or judgment needed to act like adults.

Girls become calm and shy while boys become aggressive. So, constantly talk to them but be careful not to seem like you are always blaming them as this may affect their self-esteem. Peer pressure sets in and children are more interested in “being the same” and “being accepted.” The boys tend to eat alot to feed their growing bodies.

15 to 18: transiting to adulthood
Stephen Langa, counsellor and executive director, Family Life Network says at this stage watch how you discipline the child as there is a difference between how you discipline a teenager and an adult. His says, “The biggest mistake parents make is failure to notice that a person at this stage is not a child but transiting into adulthood and therefore beginning to think about real life issues. He emphasises that they are trying to discover what life is about, their future, and their values not daddy’s or mummy’s so don’t impose your values on them.”

“Therefore, listen to your teen’s thoughts about the future, support and respect his/her decisions, and offer ideas about what you think he might be good at.” Langa adds that children at this stage, they need some space, privacy and trust to make their own decisions.

He notes that most teenagers do not like physical expression of affection from their parents, preferring to get it from their friends. “Be patient with this. They will draw closer to you when they leave home. Once they have experienced “true independence,” they discover that their parents are not as old fashioned as they thought when they were older teenagers.

Teen tips
Ruth Matoya, a child counsellor at Healing Talk Counselling Services, says, “Teenagers need a lot of attention and if not given, they will demand for it, some continuously do wrong so as to attract your attention. She explains that they are undergoing lots of confusing changes and need someone to open up to so if not available, may get involved in risky behaviour as a way of attracting your attention.

Dr Yasser says the biggest mistake parents make is failure to admit that the child is transforming into an adult. He says they continue to shout at them in public and never entertain parental teenage discussions. “As the teenagers want to talk at an adult level, the parents want to talk to them like children hence teenagers withdraw. In most cases you are the last person to know their problems.

General Parenting tips
Stephen Langa, a counsellor:
Teach children your family values and principles right from birth rather than imposing on them when they are grownups. Don’t be rude to children when they are still young hoping to bond with them when they are teenagers. In order for the child to trust and confide in you, you need to start building that relationship right from birth.

Beat children only under; disobedience, disrespect and deceit as Langa terms these as the three unacceptable habits. But even then don’t overdo it as beating children too much will only make them rebellious. Teach children to obey the laws at home lest they learn to obey in prison. Most parents say teenagers become rebellious but this is caused by the misunderstanding and ignorance of parents about the ongoing development changes in the child.

Dr Abdallah Yasser, paeditrician: At all stages of growth; love, patience reassurance and acceptance are very important as the last person a child should lose trust in should be their parent.

Ruth Matoya, child counsellor: As parents, you are the first role models to your children so your behaviour will greatly impact your child’s behaviour. Mwetise Bintabala, engineer and a father of five: Try to avail all the information to your children or else they will get wrong information off the internet and from friends.