The army arrested some Jama at Kololo Independence Grounds for submitting forged academic documents during the infantry division recruitment exercise.
The recruitment drive, which started last Monday and will span 14 days across the country, saw several applicants disqualified for not meeting the required criteria.
The Jama, who was grabbed with his pants down even though they were up, made a mistake of saying his name was Caleb Akandwanaho, adding that he went to Maryhill High School in Mbarara for his O and A Levels.
First of all, Caleb is a boy’s name and Maryhill is a girl’s school. So unless this man was wearing a dress throughout his secondary school life, it is hard to believe his real name is Caleb without it being short for “Caleb-rella”.
Secondly, Caleb is supposed to be the name of a General in the army. So the arrested Jama was at first stiffly saluted by the arresting officers.
Then, when it was realised that the Jama was actually South Korean, the soldiers un-saluted him and he was arrested. The army has issued a stern warning against forged documents, promising to arrest and prosecute those who attempt to join the military with fake documents.
However, they have not explained how a pale-skinned Korean guy could pose as a Ugandan.
It is understood that his name is Lee, which has left him behind bars present-Lee. That’s because the army is also accusing him of now pretending to be Bruce Lee, or at least a relative of his.
However, many critics have come out to say the name “Lee” is a common name in South Korea. So this man is being himself.
If he really wanted to lie, he could have said he was Bruce Lee’s wife Linda. This would have validated his claims to have been in Maryhill girl’s school.
At Kololo, hundreds of hopeful recruits gathered early in the morning for document verification.
To effectively verify each potential recruit’s documents, the army has employed the Electronic Fiscal Receipting and Invoicing Solution (EFRIS) in order to digitally capture each candidate’s details.
“We are vigilant in our efforts to ensure that only those with authentic documents are considered. That South Korean clown was arrested for presenting forged documents and EFRIS helped us prove he was not Ugandan,” said a spokesperson of the army.
“We warn all potential recruits: do not be tempted to forge documents. You will be arrested and brought to justice. If you are North Korean, we shall deport you to South Korea and if you are South Korean we shall deport you to North Korea where punishment is extended to three generations – the offender’s parents, siblings, and children are also incarcerated, and are often denied food, clothing, and medical care, and many die in prison,” he added.
When asked if it made sense to punish South Koreans more than North Koreans, the Sargent Major replied that, to the contrary, he was helping increase the population of South Koreans by deporting North Koreans there.
“South Korea has many recreational places for them. I am told there are many Parks there,” he said, remembering that the “Parks” in South Korea are actually human beings called “Park”. And there are many of them.
As of the South Korean census of 2015, there were 4,192,074 people with the name “Park” in South Korea, or roughly 8.4 percent of the population.
So if the army hope to play matchmaker by “connecting” South Korean Parks with North Korean deportee-Casanovas, there could indeed be a population explosion in South Korea.
Anyway, as part of the army’s verification process, soldiers meticulously checked documents and fingerprints. Even the dental records of those previously assumed to be dead were checked.
The army aims to recruit 9,627 new soldiers out of the 14,000 short listed candidates who emerged out of the 23,000 applicants.
In Kampala, only 766 recruits are required, with 36 slots allocated to Kampala Central and 85 to Makindye.
The number would have been twice this size, the army says, but the Opposition NUP has not handed in its red berets. So uniforms are few compared with potential recruits.
