Prime
Satire: ‘Madam Speaker, you can’t side with a kiosk like Ssemujju’
What you need to know:
- I don’t know if you are aware but I was a World Bank consultant earning in dollars when Ssemujju was a weather-beaten journalist whose shoe skin fought with the soles for space on the rough roads
Dear Speaker,
I’m writing this while wearing a long-sleeved shirt. Not that I like it. You see, I realised that even a towel would not be enough to wipe away the tears. I’ve folded the shirt sleeves so they are necessary.
It hurt a lot when you sided with Ssemujju.
I don’t know if you are aware but I was a World Bank consultant earning in dollars when Ssemujju was a weather-beaten journalist whose shoe skin fought with the soles for space on the rough roads.
Ssemujju only has a glib tongue and nothing of substance to offer. His entire reasoning is down to the kiosk. He called me a kiosk. He called NRM a giant kiosk. He probably looks at your new satiated palace in Bukedea as a concrete marvel of a kiosk.
The most painful part of his kiosk mentality is when he said that my beloved Bugisu cooperative is run like a kiosk.
Picture of your pad
Madam Speaker, the first person to publish a picture of your pad was none other than Ssemujju. He did this with malice that is worse than economic sabotage.
Ssemujju told people that your pad would be a rabbit hutch in Kiruhura. While this might sound like support to your honour, it is in fact a treasonable offence to reduce your mansion to a rabbit house.
While everyone was celebrating your grandeur, Ssemujju hired a drone camera and had it hover over the pad for hours. At first we thought it was your camera team capturing the panoramic view but wapi.
The drone camera was trying to ascertain if the roofing of your pad is mabati. They did a lot of zooming in to search for labels like OPM and Karamoja.
That miscreant was already suited for the cameras ready to spew nonsense about stolen mabati. The man is so miserably envious that he can make a storm fear rain.
Since 1986, people have been constructing mansions that defy God’s intention for housing. There was even the green cake-like architectural disappointment that came up after the people from those ends used up all the house designs on earth.
Ssemujju thinks you should have done something bad. He can’t understand that you have the taste for the finest things in life.
Madam Speaker, in your letter you said that there was no internal party decision to fire Ssemujju but how would there be the Central Executive Committee sitting when Ssemujju is beating journalists in Najjanankumbi?
I know everything that happened that day. They were not even journalists. Ssemujju bought cameras and recorders and sent his relatives to masquerade as journalists. They also started beating themselves there to frame our good intentions.
