Author: Gawaya Tegulle. PHOTO/NMG
Life gets really busy, the moment you enter your 50s; stuff passes unnoticed and you can even miss out on Bwana Tembo the elephant, passing you by, wearing red ribbons and doing cartwheels.
That is why I had no idea that the Uganda Peoples’ Defence Forces (UPDF) was carrying out countrywide recruitment – at rank-and-file level. It was only a visit to my desk by a small group of people the other day that brought me up to speed with the exercise.
They had an unusual request. Could I speak to someone high up in the army so that they too could be recruited? “We have the money,” they assured me.
The fellows, 10 or so in number, had Shs1.5 million each and they were hoping the relevant officers would accept that and admit them. They would be happy, they said, to facilitate me for my troubles.
Intrigued, I asked them to start their story at the beginning and be slow, while at it. That is when I learned that the young men had been kicked out of the army recruitment exercise at their district centre, they said, because they did not have the minimum fee of Shs2 million.
They had tried their best to plead with the officers, to no avail. Their colleagues who had been able to raise Shs2 million each were now preparing to go for training.
It is not altogether unintelligent or unreasonable to extrapolate that when they get to military school, they may have to look for some money to enable them pass the course; and when they seek promotion, they just might have to do the same.
There has been a bastardisation of the army over the last two decades. Now the army is really nothing more than a form of employment, where people just need an income.
And with it comes the privilege of living above the law because you don military fatigues and carry a gun.
There was a time when the army actually showed a semblance of being law-abiding and civil - even almost professional. But that was way back – even before I (a grey-haired old-timer) thought I could ever grow a beard.
We are talking about the period of courtship, around 1986 to 1990; when the new sheriff in town with his posse called the National Resistance Army (NRA) was trying his best to convince Ugandans that he and his team were good people and could be trusted with power.
Once we accepted them, we suffered the fate that most women suffer once they make the mistake of getting married.
Once he gets used to you, he stops calling you honey, gets side chicks; and even slaps you around freely, with a calm face and a clear conscience.
My heart bled for the boys. And for this country. For a person in a Ugandan village to raise a million, they must have sold land or cattle; because at least 60 percent of Ugandans are actually locked out of the currency orbit.
They can stay for months on end without a coin in the pocket. That is why they get excited by a few thousand shillings during election time, and vote for the wrong people to lead them.
On another day I would have been shocked to hear that citizens have to pay a hefty sum before they get admitted to serve in the armed forces. But with the way things move in Uganda today, that is no longer surprising; it is as natural and commonplace as birds flying or fish swimming.
A lot has been said about “professionalising” the army. Trillions have been spent towards that end. Years later, this is how our “professional army” stands: in some places it is only the citizen who has money in his pocket that should bother turning up at the army recruitment centre.
When citizens must pay to become soldiers, be sure you have no army; or at best you got an army with feet of clay.
And there, you’d be better off against the enemy, when you’re defended by a troupe of half-decent boy scouts.
Mr Gawaya Tegulle is an advocate of the High Court of Uganda [email protected]
