THAT LANGUAGE: You see people, the corruption in Uganda has a language. A language that’s hard to detect. If you know, you know. To survive in corporate, you must also become good at inventing words, at borrowing terms, from everywhere, from anywhere.
Dear Good people, I am taking some time to check in. My mind was on something else, I had planned to attack the almond milk and olive oil people. But then, someone escalated something more important. It’s the kind of thing we couldn’t park. Mbu wama, how do you succeed in corporate? What’s the secret. And I said, it’s like 10 percent skill, and 90 percent playing the part. And the way to play the part good people is to speak the language, zze corporate language.
I do trust you have the bandwidth to keep up with this end-to-end integration of our must-dos in this piece. And feel free to interrupt if I am moving fast. You can drop your questions in the chat box, unmute yourselves, or should we give it some five minutes so others can join in. Now, if you are really lost by this time, it’s a sign corporate is not for you. For I do not plan to circle back and untie the nuts and bolts for you, so you get it. If you don’t get it, then come to Kikuubo we do better things.
If you spend time in corporate, you must know how to get the low-hanging fruits. For example, be able to tell the difference between margin-accretive things and margin-dilutive things. Learn to make sense without making sense. This kind of skill will amaze not only your direct reports but also your great sponsors (aka godfathers and godmothers) as they can’t help but admire your immersion in this art and science.
You see, corporate is about sandwiching things, borrowing words from here and there. Learning to notice that the world has moved from VUCA and BANI is now the word. You should be able to know the trends and surf them well. You then double down on these trends. As we speak, you should be adding sustainability to everything. From sustainable dating to sustainable equity, to net zero to decarbonization. People the world has never been that hard to figure out. Things such as quantitative easing in Japan, anything, and learning not to be quiet in a meeting. If you leave a corporate meeting without saying anything Namukwaya, you have failed us. Because, it’s as simple as saying, ‘Yeah like Ortega was saying, I see the same thing play out in this domain, if we can just ramp up our activities, get everyone on board, go full throttle…” Made sense again? If you’re lost, that’s the reason friend you’ve not been promoted.
Because you need to be on the radar of the people that matter. You need to align on things, and touch base outside the meeting. You need to be good at skip-level and have a catch-up with those that matter. You need to know how to cough right, sneeze right. Every system in the world has its language and you must learn its language.
You see the Afande at an airport tried to ask me for tea recently. But he was so smooth at it. He simply said; ‘naye nga osilisse nyo…’ You see people, the corruption in Uganda has a language. A language that’s hard to detect. If you know, you know. To survive in corporate, you must also become good at inventing words, at borrowing terms, from everywhere, from anywhere. If your sister is a dentist, you can simply tell the Execs that you have drawn-up a clear plan of action to close up the cavities in the market, in a way that doesn’t dent the bottom-line. That’s why this Ugandan education system needs to have a cross-over course in corporate jargon. A course that teaches students the art of creating, inventing, and playing with corporate jargon.
At this moment people, I would prefer that you now put up your videos and unmute yourselves. This is the moment when the line manager drops in the pizza and sugar to thank you for hitting the target. And again, good people, never accept that you are late on anything. Never, never. Always tell the boss that you have made good progress, and you now have a clear RASCI and by next meeting you will be able to share. Or at least say, you are done with the report, and you need to pass it over legal to get an opinion.
And to get the point across, always tell people that you are bouncing between two meetings. Or that you have to drop off in the middle, so you should be given time to pass on your words. Don’t forget to remind people to book a slot in your calendar. And don’t forget the magic of synergy. Remember when you have nothing to say, always tell people you need to make a risk assessment and build synergies. Synergy people. Synergy.
When all is said and done, you can always go back home, remind people that you’re closing the year. Or that it’s end month and things are tight on your side. You see people. That’s how you make it. That’s how the fellows have always made it. Learn the script. And don’t forget also; ‘as per my last email…’
For now, I am out of office till… if it’s urgent, reach the editor of this ka-column.
