Exercise love and patience to the undeserving
Min Atek
What you need to know:
As a mentor and coach for children and young people, I have encountered many of them, who do not open up, especially to their parents
“Please share with me five attributes about your mother,” I nudged the child. Without hesitation, he started mentioning qualities about his mother. I listened quietly as he elaborated.
“What do you mean when you say she is organised?” I interrupted as he went on to explain using examples.
“Of all these attributes, which one do you want to emulate?” Without hesitation, he mentioned the details. I listened attentively and at the same time, I was thrilled that my child was willing to let me into his space and share with me.
As a mentor and coach for children and young people, I have encountered many of them, who do not open up, especially to their parents. They might open up and speak to their peers but they put up a show when it comes to their parents.
I remember one particular child, who was telling me how terrible her week had been and how she did not feel the need to go on with life, yet on that same day, she told her mother that she was fine and that everything was going on well.
Parents are known to be disciplinarians, who often correct children. It is challenging to be the parent and the friend of your child because the two roles are often parallel. One of my biggest tasks is deliberately choosing to have conversations with each of the children.
The challenge like one of the children once told me, I have an eye for detail and particularly for dirt. I like to be in exceptionally organised spaces. Messy places disturb my peace and quiet.
I find myself repeating instructions for them to organise their spaces, and in exasperation, there are often times when I feel irritated and the safest thing is for me to withdraw into another space, where the last thing I want are conversations with annoying teenagers.
Do you see how the problem gets compounded? If I opt to keep quiet and clean the space myself, I find the child even more irritating. So, I have been speaking to myself to let some things go. I have not come across any record where anyone lost a leg because the bathroom was left dirty and clothes on the floor.
No one ever collapsed and died because the kitchen sink was full of dirty dishes or because all the children did was to watch television while the house floor was full of books, cups and plates everywhere.
Looking at the situation from these lenses helps me to remain unfazed, ministering love and patience to a very undeserving lot of chaps. We all need unconditional love.
