Some of you may now be complaining.
LOST COUNTRY? Okay, I know some people are here mentioning Jose Chameleone. But maybe musically, but again, even Chameleone, he did not really shoot for the maximum of his talent. Someone says mbu in Uganda we get satisfied easily. Small acts of greatness and we start stepping on people’s heads...We just always cannot wait to celebrate and become motivational speakers.
You know life did throw me somewhere on the streets of Makati a few weeks ago. Surely, the name ‘Ortega’ had to be put to use in a country colonised by many – the great archipelago of the Philippines.
And while here, I was inundated with the friendliness, the lovely atmosphere, you know the Filipino feel like one big family. How these over 7,000 islands are able to do it, is a miracle! Of course, I also had to deal with the rice upon rice. It is then that I started missing this variety of carbohydrates in the Ugandan diet. Anyway, many things happened, and as the saying goes, the rule of Chatham house reigns supreme.
But people, one thing I cannot hold from you is my new hero: José Protasio Rizal Mercado y Alonso Realonda. His name is quite a paragraph, but the name of a hero ought to be mentioned in full. Some of you may now be complaining, but well, your heroic acts of sneaking bullets into lecture rooms does not hold here. Or your ability to slide a ka quick 10K into the officer’s hands does not count. I am talking about Joze Rizal. This man here, was a writer and polymath. He is considered by all as the national hero of the Philippines.
Gwe, there is even a whole park dedicated to him. His book Noli Me Tangere translated as ‘touch me not’, laid the groundwork for the revolution. And today, we have the great nation of the Philippines. Happy, hardworking people. I tell you, there is no other place a black face feels comfortable and at home in the streets than in Manila or Makati. Take it from me you bu-chaps, I have tested this black face in different environs. Not in Europe, not even in other African countries, maybe we should all be Filipino. And by the way, you need no visa to go and partake of these beautiful people, beautiful islands.
Now when I thought about Rizal, I wondered; ‘who is Uganda’s national hero or heroine?’ I know we have that Heroes Day, but who knows those heroes? Who is that one person where general consensus agrees that he or she is the national hero. Okay, I know some people are here mentioning Jose Chameleone. But maybe musically, but again, even Chameleone, he did not really shoot for the maximum of his talent. Someone says mbu in Uganda we get satisfied easily. Small acts of greatness and we start stepping on people’s heads. Like why do we arrive so early in this country? We just always cannot wait to celebrate and become motivational speakers. Not raining on your celebration parades, but what in the poverty are we celebrating?
Another person mentioned mbu the headmaster, that old man in the hat. You people leave me ko for now, I still have offspring to sire. But really? No, as long as I still inhale dust the moment I step out of my abode, ‘temulina kyemutugamba.’ Now that leaves who? The Hoozambe guy? The Mubanda wa Kabaka? Obote? Oba Bebe Cool and Full Figure? Like which individual has the greatest influence on the Ugandan psyche?
Anyway, I came back in time for the truck removal event. Rumour has it that going forward, June 22 will now be a public holiday. Mbu on this day, the demons were exorcised, and a truck moved. Ugandans can believe certain things. Just know if you want to scare your enemies in Uganda, simply ask them; “Mumanyi gyenava?” Now people like yours truly with relatives spread across this country, once in a while I claim my Nkokonjeru powers, you do not know our Kyaggwe skills, other times, I am like ‘don’t joke with the Luo-Babiito in me’ and other moments, well, not too late to claim the Cwezi ancestry. Ela going forward, I am now adopting the Kojja title. I just need a scary name to accompany the title, like Kojja Taluma Nebaluma.
But people, the ki-truck moved. And now the road feels so lonely. Mbu once in a while at night, people hear some wails, as the truck cries out to the dwellers. That it was kidnapped, that it was evicted from its land.
Kwegamba life has been moving fast. People were even saying Ugandans have chicken souls. Mbu we cannot protest. You people, nga we have protested. Some of us as early as Shimoni, when I played the famous Oliver Twist line of ‘some more.’ Did the cook ever add me posho? Never. Even at Kitovu, the cooks could not hear me pleading for more Ncereal. And of late, we have been running a big protest against transport money. Just because we do not protest in your styles, do not think we are not serious at it. For us, in Uganda we have found new ways of protesting. But a part of me is smelling things, smelling things in the collective unconscious. Too early, too soon, the rain is coming. Rizals emerge!
Twitter: ortegatalks
