Navigating life with an overprotective partner

Understand it 

One of the first steps to addressing overprotective behaviour is understanding its root cause. Peter Wamala, a relationship counsellor in Kampala, explains, “Overprotection is often a reflection of a partner’s fears or insecurities. This might stem from past relationships, personal insecurities, or even cultural expectations that emphasise protecting loved ones.” 

He says recognising these factors can help both partners find common ground without feeling threatened or controlled. 

Sometimes, overprotective tendencies can emerge from a well-intentioned desire to prevent harm. For instance, a partner who has experienced loss or trauma may exhibit heightened protective behaviour out of fear of experiencing that pain again.

In other cases, cultural expectations may encourage protectiveness, especially among men. Traditions often emphasise a man’s role in ensuring the safety and well-being of his partner, but this can sometimes create tension if it crosses into control. 

Open communication

"Clear, honest communication is essential," says Diana Nakato, a communication specialist. She recalls how her partner’s constant concern over her safety and friendships initially felt loving but quickly became overwhelming. 

“I realised he was trying to protect me because he cared, but I also felt as if I was losing my sense of self,” she explains. After several conversations, she helped her partner understand the importance of trusting her decisions while being supportive. 

In such cases, communication acts as a bridge between intentions and perceptions. Nakato advises couples to set aside time to discuss boundaries and the impact of over-protection on their relationship. She says, “When a partner listens and truly hears you, it helps ease any misunderstandings that may arise from overprotective behaviour.” 

Building trust with actions 

Actions often speak louder than words, especially when dealing with overprotective tendencies. Edwin Mugisha, a business owner in Kampala, explains how his partner’s protective nature sometimes conflicted with his need for space. 

“I understood that she was worried because of her own experiences, but I showed her that I was responsible and capable by keeping her informed without feeling like I was being tracked,” he shares. 

Mugisha’s approach involved regular check-ins and reassurance without sacrificing his independence. 

“It was not about changing who I was, but about showing her that my commitment to her did not mean I could not have other parts of my life.” Over time, Mugisha's consistent actions helped his partner feel secure, leading to a more balanced relationship dynamic. 

Setting boundaries together

Boundaries are vital in any relationship, and overprotective partners often need reassurance that these boundaries will not jeopardise their connection. Wamala suggests establishing healthy boundaries early on to avoid misunderstandings. 

“A couple can agree on what kind of interactions are appropriate with friends and how they prefer to manage alone time,” he explains. 

Emphasising self-esteem

Building self-confidence and independence within a relationship can help reduce overprotective behaviour. “Sometimes, people become overprotective when they do not feel confident about themselves,” says Wamala. He encourages individuals to engage in activities that reinforce their self-worth, such as hobbies, education, or social events. 

For Wamala, empowering both partners individually can enhance the relationship overall. “If one partner feels overprotected, they should work towards self-confidence, which can indirectly help their partner realise the need for a balanced, trusting relationship,” he notes. 

When each partner works on self-growth, it shifts the focus from dependency to partnership, allowing each individual to thrive. Couples that invest in personal development often find that the desire to control or monitor the other diminishes, as both feel fulfilled and secure. 

The need for outside support 

Sometimes, overprotective behaviour may persist despite efforts to address it internally. In such cases, seeking outside help can be invaluable. Mariam Byaruhanga, a Kampala-based relationship coach, suggests couples counselling as a beneficial tool for managing excessive protection. 

Byaruhanga adds that involving a third party can be helpful if overprotective behaviour stems from personal traumas or insecurities that are difficult to address alone. 

“Therapy is not about fixing one person; it is about understanding each other better,” she says. 

Through counselling, couples can gain insight into the underlying issues and learn practical strategies to improve their interactions, especially in situations where cultural pressures complicate matters. Professional guidance can serve as a neutral ground where both partners feel heard and respected.

Giving each other space

Sometimes, the most challenging part of a relationship is allowing each other to grow separately. In cases where family and societal expectations often play a role, giving a partner space can seem daunting. However, experts say that maintaining individuality can be the key to a fulfilling partnership. 

Jonathan Kiggundu, a youth mentor in Kampala, describes how he navigated overprotectiveness by making room for his interests outside the relationship. “I enjoy going to football games and spending time with friends. I explained to my partner that this space was important for my happiness,” he shares. Kiggundu’s efforts to balance his interests with his relationship helped ease his partner’s concerns and ultimately strengthened their bond. 

Celebrating small wins

Progress in addressing overprotective behaviour is often gradual, and it is essential to acknowledge each step forward. When partners make efforts to trust more or let go of certain controlling behaviours, celebrating these small wins can create positive reinforcement. 

“When my girlfriend stopped questioning me about every interaction, I made sure to show appreciation,” says Mugisha. These gestures can serve as reminders of growth and mutual respect, creating a foundation for long-term understanding.

BUILDING TRUST

Navigating overprotective behaviour is challenging, but it is possible to create a balanced and trusting relationship by acknowledging each other’s needs and fostering open communication. For couples, where external pressures and cultural influences are often part of the equation, finding harmony can be critical. “Overprotection is rooted in love, but when taken too far, it risks losing that love. Remember that a healthy relationship thrives on trust and balance, not control. If each partner commits to this balance, the journey of love becomes fulfilling and enriching for both,” says Peter Wamala, a relationship counsellor