Basic manners every parent should teach their children

“I visited this home where, as soon as I walked into the door, their child grabbed my hand forcefully, took my bag, and almost shoved me to sit down. The mother noticing my surprise and discomfort, started to apologise for her son’s bad behaviour, “You know he is like that. He is rough but he is a good boy.”

 I could not understand how “rough and good” could be said in the same sentence but I had no doubt this seven-year-old boy child needed some training in basic manners and the parents were failing at it!” Brenda narrated to us in family fellowship at our local church while still shocked at the incident.

Manners can make or break children. Manners are very important in a child’s life. Children need to have good manners because they open doors of career and professional opportunities for them, enhance and keep their social networks.

 Any good parent, therefore, would want to raise their children with good manners. These may depend on various contexts and cultures but there are basic ones that cut across cultures or are universal and here are some: 

Courtesies

Pope Francis wrote that there are three essential words in the family: “Thank you”, “Please”, and “Sorry”. Other people add: “excuse me” and “you are welcome”. These are the building blocks of proper etiquette and good manners that lead communication and human interaction. They express appreciation, request, or regret. Every child ought to know how to use these three in different situations. A child who hurts others and does not say “sorry” or a child who does not appreciate by saying “thank you” when given something or a child who does not know how to say “please” when requesting for something, will find a hard time making friends and keeping them. 

Table manners

These may involve serving the amount of food you can finish, not talking with your mouth full, keeping your elbows off the table, chewing slowly and quietly, never stretching your arm over another at dinner at the table (you instead ask them to “pass the salt”), and you do not leave the table even if you were the first to finish your food until everyone else is done. Good table manners ensure there is organisation around dinner for everyone on the table. 

Respect for elders

A child who has no respect for parents or elders has no future. In most African societies, parents and elders carry a lot of wisdom from many years of experience, so they are respected. 

It is good manners, therefore, to never address a parent or elder by their first name but always attach a title “Sir” or “Madam” to it. A well-groomed child will also listen to elders and parents. Respecting elders also means curtsying or kneeling when greeting or talking to them. 

Consideration for others

Human relationships would be a lot easier if we were considerate of each other. Selfishness and egos ruin relationships. It is, therefore important that a parent teaches children to be considerate of others: to share with the needy, to listen to others and appreciate their points of view even if they are different from yours, to respect other people’s property, to use public goods such as roads respectfully for the benefit of all. 

DM bodytext: And our grandparents had a word for it: “Obuntu”--to mean ”I am what I am because of who we all are”. It denotes thoughtfulness, kindness, and generosity, to others within the community. It is derived from Zulu language proverb “Umuntu ngumuntu ngabantu”, meaning “a person is a person through other people”.

Make their bed I still struggle with my children making their beds but I must keep trying until they get it. Why? Because no one will make their beds for them in the future but also the habit inculcates in a child the discipline of personal responsibility, and organisation early on in life, a habit they can carry into their future and apply to other facets of life including financial discipline. They can also be taught to change and wash their bed sheets. Josephine, a mother of two adolescent boys explains: “I taught my boys to always make their beds immediately they got up but one of them was particularly stubborn. One day, he had prom and left without making his bed. I picked him up and made him make it. He was embarrassed. Since then, he makes his bed as required.” 

Knock on doors before entering

In high school when I lived in a hostel, my classmate whose room was frequented by most of us, once remarked to me that I was the only student who knocked on his door before entering. The rest would just storm into his room. I learnt this habit from my parents at an early age. Out of respect for the person’s privacy, a child should knock and seek permission to enter a room.

Covering one’s mouth when sneezing or coughing in publicWhen sneezing or coughing in public, say in a taxi or market or shared office space, one should cover their mouth and nose using their hand but preferably a handkerchief or excuse themselves and move out and sneeze from outside. It protects other people from infections such as flu and coughs. Children should be taught this habit right from a young age. 

Personal hygiene Children should be taught personal hygiene such as bathing their bodies, washing their clothes, brushing their teeth, washing their hands before and after eating food and after visiting the toilet, tidying up after a meal or play, cleaning their environment to keep diseases away. At a certain age, they should start to shave their armpits and private parts to prevent overgrowth and bad ordour, apply deodorant or cologne. You do not want your child going around smelling like a he-goat! 

Use respectful language With a lot of TV or social media shows that use foul language, children can easily pick up on those messages and use them in their daily interactions and communication with peers and those in authority. It is, therefore, important that a parent teaches their child never to use foul or demeaning, or curse words on others but use such language that is respectful, polite, and sensitive. 

 Make eye contact and offer a firm handshake

I know this is foreign to us as Africans but we can learn from other cultures. We teach our children to look down when they are talking to someone but this is not good. Let us teach our children to look someone in the eye, speak up enough to be heard, and offer a firm handshake when greeting. This means they are confident of themselves. 

Teaching your child basic manners, you will be helping them develop most important social skills necessary to have fruitful and meaningful relationships.