So many Eddies of discontent are rippling against the tide of the new Presidential Advisor on Creatives’ appointment.
There is the Rolex guy, down my street. He is not happy, believing the new appointee no longer has the Stamina he once had.
We suspect that the Rolex guy’s unhappiness has a secret smile to it, though. That is because he is not unhappy that the Sitya Loss star is currently a big man.
He is just unhappy that ever since the new presidential advisor won his BET Award, he stopped buying Rolex the snack and started buying Rolex the watch. Class gives you such options.
The everyday creative, the writer, is also not smiling.
To the writer, a presidential advisor must have a firm grasp of policy. So he must be able to discuss fiscal policy without sounding red, I meant, green on that issue.
Mzee is also not happy about the appointment, even though he made it. That’s because he prefers to take advice from the only person on earth who shares the exact name, background and anatomy with him.
So far, Mzee has more advisors than is advisable. Getting another one is like getting an extra appendix, to add to the other 200 one doesn’t need.
Still, Mzee is flexible.
You saw him during the Covid-19-induced lockdown.
He could do push-ups like he was an Expendable. Sylvester Stallone has already been alerted on this matter.
So a retirement plan, featuring Chuck Norris, might beckon Mzee. Remember, to most of us, Chuck Norris is bulletproof.
After all, he is the only man who can beat the NRM like they were on a path to another rigged election.
Anyway, as we said earlier, Mzee is flexible.
He is also creative, having given us Another Rap too many. So the new presidential advisor on creatives will be representing him, too.
This means he will advise Mzee on how he can be a better artiste. So that Mzee can take this advice and advise himself in order to ignore the person who advised him in the first place!
True, this is a vicious cycle pedalled along by wheels of self-deception that have long since come off. But that is fine. Things could have been worse.
Imagine if Big Size was made a presidential advisor. All of us would be rendered small sizes as he reminds us that “Big is Big” and we are bigless.
We would then suddenly notice that he, like that reptilian musician who is related to a Weasel, was now a doctor. Not a doctor who heals, but an expert at euthanasia.
Besides, with all the “ists” and “isms” dominating our political appointments, it is good to have someone whose affiliations are dollar-green instead of DP-green.
Evergreen is his music, though. I mean, you can listen to him all day. He has more hits than a busy website.
Plus, he has those kids who know how to shake their bones like they just found themselves in Donald Trump’s closet. Yes, Kamala Harris approved that last sentence.
Speaking of sentences, we are waiting to see if the new presidential advisor can help creatives finally get a ministry to serve as an antidote to all those other ministries which ignore creatives like the plague. It has been bad, indeed.
The political class has mistreated musicians.
Have you heard what the former Leader of the Opposition in Parliament said about the artiste formerly known as The Bad Man From Kamwokya?
It was crude, rude and, to many, simply lewd. A pure example of the “Ekimansulo of the mouth”, as our beloved former yellow minister would say.
The new presidential advisor on creatives should redress this situation and the former Leader of the Opposition’s mouth. We can’t have such a wardrobe malfunction of a mouth amid the new presidential advisor.
He needs our support. Especially when he gets his salary, community support on how it is spent will upgrade him from presidential advisor to presidential material.
