The millennial generation has experienced great freedom in many aspects of life, breaking barriers and experimenting in ways previous generations would not have dared. While I want to acknowledge our generation’s incredible achievements, I am turning my attention to a more trivial matter; the “Friends with Benefits” relationship, also known as a No Strings Attached relationship.
For those unfamiliar with the concept, let me explain. This is not about friends sharing business deals or extra groceries.
“Friends with benefits” refers to a relationship in which two individuals, who are already friends, engage in a physical or sexual relationship without emotional attachment or commitment. Whether or not this type of relationship is ideal is subjective and open to debate.
I would not participate in this kind of arrangement, mainly because I am not sexually attracted to any of my friends, and also, because it often seems to lead to complications. I prefer to avoid unnecessary complexities in my relationships.
Have you watched the movie “No Strings Attached” from 2011? If you have not, you should check it out for context after reading my message. I will give you a quick summary; it stars Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher, who play characters that knew each other from childhood and keep running into each other as adults. After a series of events, they end up having a physical relationship and decide to continue as friends with benefits without getting emotionally involved.
This has become such a common relationship. For most, it works until it does not. The breakdown is usually one party developing feelings, attachment, jealousy or just wanting more from the situation than the other party is willing to give.
There is something extremely liberating about being in control of your body and deciding what you want to do with it. I applaud all the people who do so boldly. It must be liberating to have a friend you are sexually attracted to and to be able to express that attraction as freely and as often as you want.
However, I have come to discover that on the path to self-gratification, people often forget to effectively communicate what they are doing beyond its label. Many will call each other “friends with benefits” without ever discussing their boundaries and limitations.
The sexual aspect of a new relationship can be quite alluring, but have you considered the “friends” aspect of things? Have you discussed how your friendship will continue without any complications?
Do you think you can keep your feelings in check? And if not, is there a chance for your friendship to evolve? If your answer to any of these questions is a definite ‘no,’ then perhaps it is best to prioritise your friendship and end the sexual aspect.
In situations such as this, sex is often seen as the only benefit, and people tend to overlook other, more important factors. I believe that having casual flings with people you have recently met is less complicated than starting a sexual relationship with someone with whom you share a history and a strong friendship. However, this is just my personal opinion, and I do not want to dictate what happens in your sex life or write a lengthy analysis about it. I am simply here to share my opinion.
If you choose to pursue this kind of relationship, proceed cautiously and consider the following; be clear about what you want. Do not have unrealistic expectations about where the relationship might go. Check-in with yourself regularly to assess your feelings about the person and the situation. Establish some ground rules, such as whether you will have sleepovers if they can contact you outside of arranging intimate meetups, and if you will spend time together outside of your intimate encounters.
All of these considerations are crucial when entering into a friends-with-benefits situation. However, I want to emphasise that despite taking these precautions, there is no guarantee that things will not get messy.
So, be safe, protect your heart, and enjoy yourself.
